


how did this happen to you?

by Lillyredbird



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2418464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillyredbird/pseuds/Lillyredbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean gets sick, and Castiel thinks its now or never to tell him how hes really feels about the hunter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how did this happen to you?

No one saw this coming, it had hit from left field and knocked team free will on their asses. Dean was sick. Sam and Castiel spent three days agonising over books and calling in every favour they had left, trying to answer four questions, what was this illness that was killing Dean? A question they feared would never be answered, When had Dean been infected? They had no idea where it came from, the three hadn’t left the bunker in weeks and after a petty fight with Sam a week prior to dean falling Ill, Dean hadn’t left his room for anything other than to use the bathroom and to go to the kitchen for food. Why had it only attacked Dean? While it was true that they weren’t living in each other’s pockets any more, it didn’t explain how a viruses of this degree could make its way through the bunker and not also hit Sam. and the last question, was the one they feared the most, could they cure Dean? They had tried everything they could think of, spells, deals with demons, Castiels angelic grace, they even went to a hospital, not a single person knew what was wrong with Dean, but they all knew that he didn’t have long left. 

Dean had passed out about an hour after Sam left to check on a lead that Castiel knew would lead to another dead end. He could see how Dean’s soul was fading, He briefly thought about calling Sam to tell him that Dean didn’t have long left. But then thought better of it, ‘Sam has watched you die too many times now, and I don’t think you want him to see you die again…’ he thought sadly to himself as he sat on the empty chair Sam had put next to Deans bed the first time he passed out three days prior. Though when he woke later, he looked worse for wear. As pail as a ghost, covered in a thin layer of sweat and shaking so much Sam was sure he would shake out of his skin.  
From there Dean only got worse, he berley ate, and couldn’t sleep because of an ache that pulsed through Dean’s body so harshly he cried because of the pain. Castiel tried to help in any way he could by taking away Deans pain and though it did help, the ache would only slightly dissipate for a few hours before it was back ten times worse. 

Castiel was ready to break down in tears at the sight of Dean now, shaking from a pain he can’t escape from, his breathing harsh like he couldn’t gather enough air to fill his lungs, and his once bright vibrant soul slowly fading into the black. Placing his hand on Deans Castiel closed his eyes and took a deep breath, tightening his grip on Dean’s hand, re-opening his eyes, he spoke softly. 

“I Guess now is as good a time as any to tell you how I feel” he leaned over, and let his free hand run his fingers through Dean’s sweat socked hair.

“I might not have realised it at the time, but I can honestly tell you that I have cared deeply for you ever since you stabbed me in the heart with the demon blade. Do you remember that? You looked so scared and confused, wondering what the hell type of demon I was. I’m sure if I was the man that I am now back then, I would have laughed” The more Castiel spoke the slower Deans breathing became. Castile tried his best not to pay too much attention to Deans Slowing heartbeat. 

“But I think the first time I realised that I cared more about you then what would be seen as angelic, was that time you tried to get me laid. I know that you have to remember that. How could you not? You told me that you hadn’t laughed like that in years. I don’t know why, but the idea of being the one to make you explode with so much joy had my previously thought lack of emotions, explode with knew unknown emotions, that all pointed to you.” Castiel could feel Deans body begin to shake for a different reason. Before he could keep talking, a harsh sob fell from Castiel’s lips that shook his whole body, threatening to spill the tears that had gathered in his eyes. 

“I…I just wanted to let you know, that there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to swop our positions right now Dean. I’m so sorry, so sorry. I…Dean I…I…” More sobs passed Castiels lips as he saw Dean’s soul disappear before his eyes. Dean had stopped breathing a few moments before and it seemed like it was only his heart that was left beating, trying to desperately force the last bits of oxygen left in Dean’s blood to his brain. But it was clear that Dean was gone.

“Dean? Dean! No, no, please Dean…Please don’t go, I still need you…I rebelled for you! Please! You can’t be gone, please...Please Dean….you know I can’t go back…Dean….Please…You bastard…I love you damn it…Please…” for the first time, in a long time, Castiel got to know how Dean felt every time he left his prayers un-answered.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to checkout my Tumblr lillyredbird.tumblr.com


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